unfolded in parts. read at your own pace.
I never wanted to argue with you.
When emotions got high, I said ten things when I really only meant one. I wanted to explain what was happening inside me without making you feel like you had to defend yourself.
I just didn’t know how to speak without sounding broken.
When you told me you had feelings for someone else, something inside me dropped.
I know feelings are complicated. I know you didn’t necessarily intend to hurt me. But from my side, it still felt like betrayal.
Not because I thought you owed me your feelings— but because I couldn’t understand how something I thought was becoming a future could suddenly have someone else inside it.
The hardest question wasn’t: “Why him?”
It was: “Was I really not enough?”
I regret the moments where anger became louder than the person I actually want to be.
I regret anything that made you feel unsafe or pressured. I can understand that my hurt doesn’t excuse that.
I wish I had been calmer. I wish I had given things air instead of suffocating them with fear.
I understand that trust isn’t something you can demand. I understand why distance makes things harder. I understand that words from someone online don’t automatically prove who they are.
Trust comes from time. Consistency. Actions. Reality.
I know you were only trying to protect your own heart.
I wanted you to see me as Taha.
Not a profile. Not a username. Not another person from the internet.
That’s why I wanted a real conversation. Not to interrogate you. Not to convince you.
Just so you could see my face, hear my voice, and know there was a real person on the other side of everything.
I wanted to build myself. Work. Business. Skills. Money. A future.
Australia was part of those plans. Meeting you in person was something I wanted someday.
I don’t say this to imply: “I did all of this for you, so you owe me.” Absolutely not.
The message is simply: I wanted to become someone who could back up his words. Even if nothing happened between us, I still wanted to become that person.
Love isn’t a transaction. Sacrifices aren’t a bill. Nobody owes somebody a relationship just because they cared deeply.
And two people can both have valid reasons for what they did, while one person is still genuinely hurt by it.
I used to be so sure about what I wanted. Now I’m not.
I don’t know if I’m still waiting. I don’t know if I’m letting go. I don’t know what happens next.
And for once… I’m not going to pretend I do.